Goats delivered breach

So my wife left me alone last Thursday night. She had a meeting to go to, and before she left she advised me that I might have to help with the goat that was in labor. We have goats. I had to go to a scout committee meeting, I am the scoutmaster of the troop. I tried to incite a riot while I was there, it's friends of scouting month, and then I came home.

When I got there my children were running around excitedly telling me that the goat was going to have the babies soon. I went out to the goat pen and found a goat laying on the ground with her water broken, in heavy labor. I decided not to do anything except the normal things I do every night which consist of reminding kids that they have to clean up their rooms, do the kitchen jobs and get ready for bed. My children informed me that if they missed the birth mom was going to be very upset with me. I told them they'd better hurry and finish their stuff so they wouldn't miss it. After much arguing, well the normal amount really, but after much arguing we were all in the goat pen except the baby and the oldest sister, with a flashlight looking at a goat that was clearly having a bad day.

She was just laying there trying to push this kid out and not really getting anywhere. I was told that when an animal in labor needs help it will stop running away from you. About a half an hour earlier, the goat was still standing up and moving away when I got too close, but I tried again and she didn't move. What do I do now? I'm a engineer not a veterinarian! My wife had left me with a few printouts with illustrations of how goats are supposed to be born that I had consulted while I was arguing with my own kids. The jist of it was the the hooves are supposed to come out first.

So there I was sitting on the ground in the dark with my son holding a flashlight looking at the aft end of a very, very, pregnant goat. I decided the only thing to do was mimic what I'd seen the doctors do during my the birth of my six children. I spoke softly to the goat and told her not to worry, that it is supposed to hurt like that and the pain is good because it will help her push, and that she doesn't need the anesthesiologist to come give her more medicine. I also told the residents to come in and check her.

They said she was a 10, crowning and complete. Then I stuck my hands in there to figure out what the problem was. I knew hooves are supposed to come first, and if they aren't coming then you push it back in and try to grab the hooves, but I wasn't sure what a goat head felt like. I figured it was the head so I waited till the contraction lessened and tried to push it back in so I could feel around and grab the hooves. The goat was not having any of that. She just kept pushing, so I tried to loosen things up, like they do with my children being born, and continued to verbally encourage the goat. That seemed to help a little, but she looked like was starting to get worried, so I tried to grab whatever part of the goat it was coming out and pulled a little bit on it, and out it popped, followed by 2 more. (WARNING GRAPHIC PICTURE!)

Painting from China

I have many things that I still need to post to this site, but I probably won't get around to it. I have a good friend, we used to be friends, who bought a painting from China. We wanted to be able to have others see the difference between what he thought he was buying, and what he actually bought, so here goes.

This is what he thought he was buying.

I really like this painting. I like all the colors. My former friend said, "It has a lot of movement." For a stationary object, I agree. I think that the description of "movement" in a very static painting must be an art class thing. I never took an art class.

Here is the painting he was sent in the mail from china.

Granted the photos are not of the exact same quality, but I agree with him that there was some false advertising done by the website. Not nearly as much color. It looks like a very good chinese copy painter took about 20 minutes to fulfill an order.

Fortunately his wife likes the painting. He is also a very artistic person and is going to try to complete the painting at home with his own paint stuff, like paint, and brushes, and one of those mixing trays, and maybe an easel. I look forward to seeing the final result. He stretched the canvas himself. It was his first try. I think he did great.

The Trek

This Trek was a hand cart re-creation. If you know your Mormon History, then that is the only thing I need to say. For the uninitiated, two of the hand cart treks of the Mormon pioneers across the plains were met with serious hardship. People froze to death, and starved, and suffered physically beyond belief. Those who survived the ordeal were left with an powerful faith in Jesus Christ who saved them physically and spiritually through that trial.

As Mormons we develop a great feeling of gratitude for our pioneer heritage. Those who came before us truly paved the way for what we have now. I believe that is true for everyone, but as Mormons we have this specific history of the trek west and the experiences that occurred. We want to have the same spiritual strength that they had. Early pioneers were driven from their homes but most voluntarily left everything and walked hundreds of miles to a desert to start a new life where they could practice their religion in peace. We would like to have that conviction, and we want our kids to have it too, so we do Trek re-enactments.

This trek was at the end of last May in the desert in a place called Texas Canyon in south eastern Arizona. This is a desert man's desert. It is serious. It's rocky, sandy, and every plant has thorns. We would have the opportunity to bushwhack through about 15 miles of this rough terrain, and we got to do it in long sleeves shirts and pants, with the girls wearing dresses. The forecast for the days we were there was record heat. It turns out that you actually do get used to being out in 105 degree heat for the entire day, you just have to drink a lot of water.

The Trek started on a Thursday afternoon. All the adults met a bit early to get the hand carts situated and then we waited for the kids to arrive. All we were allowed to take had to fit in a 5 gallon bucket and it became apparent quickly which kids were prepared and which weren't. One of our kids showed up with 3 pair of shoes, 2 extra pair of pants, and a pair of shorts. Another came without a hat to speak of and with a bit of a different attitude. Then we had a foreign exchange student, Tess and a couple of boys with close roots to a rural ranching/farming family.

The first day was sort of a shakedown of how we were going to load the cart and pull it along. My wife and I quickly noticed that there are different kinds of kids. We had 4 boys and 4 girls. Two of the boys were awesome, they looked for ways to help out, and were always trying to help push or pull the cart. The other two boys would push when asked to for a while, but they tired quickly. The girls were all willing to push and pull, but 2 were entirely more capable of moving the cart.

The trek was full of challenges and we had to figure out how to overcome them together. Some were difficult but manageable. Like when we came to the first deep wash that each family could not pull the cart through by themselves. The different families had to help each other and then go back for the next family to get all of us through it.

During that time one of the boys had an epiphany about the pioneers. He was thinking about the story about the heros who carried people across the frozen stream and then died shortly afterward due to exposure because of their effort. The boy on our trek was considering them and thought "Why not me?" In other words why shouldn't I be able to perform heroic deeds. Why shouldn't I be able to do for others what they cannot do for themselves. He wanted to be a tool for God to use to further the work and realized that he could do that. Every time there was an obstacle requiring extra hands he was there at the front helping.

I was inspired by his testimony because of what it says about our God given potential. If we have desires to serve we are truly called to the work. And our efforts will be magnified through the power of Jesus Christ's Atonement. Why not me? I believe that is a question that we all can ask and answer for ourselves.

Another thing I learned on the trek was work is fun. When I was talking to the workers in my little family I asked them why they were doing so much more than the other people, and they said it is because "Work is fun." I believe them. They went about their work with an attitude that was infectious. They never were content to just walk along and they felt good while they were helping. They took pride in being strong. They wanted to do it, and they thought they could do it, whatever "it" was.

It was as though just thinking that they could do it made them able to do it. That is something that was profound to me as  a parent of smaller children. When they think they can't do it they are 100% right. Life is difficult, and sometimes we are expected to do things that we've never done before. The kids who helped just did it. They didn't falter for a second. They just did it. Even when they couldn't do it, they did it.

For example there was a boy Elijah who was a little shorter than most of the other kids. He was a younger kid. On one of the deep ravines he was helping to push the carts. He was right in the front with Josh our rural raised kids. On this particular ravine, Josh and Elijah were doing what they always did which was give 100% effort  at whatever they were doing. (great sentence jimmy) When the cart they were pushing started up this large ravine the front of it became very high off the ground. At this point, Elijah could only hang on to avoid getting trampled as his feet were off the ground. He could no longer push, but he had done his part, and he was just hanging there waiting for his feet to touch the ground again so he could keep pushing.

Some people thought that he was playing, but I knew that he was trying to stay close to the action because he wanted to work. It was interesting because sometimes he and Josh looked totally exhausted, and my wife would ask them to take a rest, and they would for about 20 seconds then they were back on the cart. The other two boys on the other hand were always asking if they could take a break. We had a rope tied to the front of the cart so that more people could pull and  it was almost comical how when Josh and Elijah were on the rope it was taut and they were leaning forward pulling on it to help. When David and Kyle were on the rope it was loose and they were just holding it and walking. Those boys did not like work.

Another thing I learned or was reminded of is that God is the ideal parent. He teaches us in ways that are perfect. When we make mistakes we have consequences. They are not too harsh, nor too lenient. They are just what we need to learn. Sometimes we learn quickly, but usually I think we learn slow. On the trek, the kids in my family had to be satisfied with imperfection in parenting. Many times our cart was the last one to go because I was too concerned with packing perfectly. In retrospect I should have let go and had the kids do it. I also did a little bit too much lecturing to David and Kyle. I probably should have just let life teach them the lessons instead of pontificating all the time. It is also not good to point out peoples shortcomings especially when they probably already know what they are. But in life we have to be grateful for what we have in terms of parents, and teachers, and learn what we can. Sometimes the examples are good, and sometimes they are not so good. But either way we can learn from them.

Life is not a contest. There are times that it feels like it is, but it's not. In the end we can all receive the same reward. On the trek, sometimes I think I felt bad that I was always at the end of the line, but I didn't think I was there because our family was weak, I thought we were there so that if someone got into trouble we could help them along, and they wouldn't be left behind. The organizers of the trek thought we were a weak family so they gave us an extra girl. I know that might sound bad, like some sort of a joke, but this was an amazing girl.

The trek was on a ranch owned by a family named Smith. They have done many of these treks and they have a daughter who was trek age. So the weekend of the trek her mom and dad made her come be part of a family. The morning of the first full day of trekking we were told we had a new daughter. Kalee clearly did not want to be there at the beginning. I think she was put with our family because she was friends with Josh, but I took an immediate liking to her. She was a spunky girl who fought back against my teasing. I remember when she first showed up I could tell she had a baseball cap on under her bonnet, and so I started telling the other kids not to say anything about her baseball cap. I acted like she would be embarrassed by comments, and she started giving me dirty looks. It was a really good time.

Then I saw her pull the cart. She was an ANIMAL! Kalee was worth more in terms of work than both of slacker boys in our family. She and Tess (strong girl) pulled more than their fair share of the weight. The special thing about Kalee was that she had been on the trek before and therefore knew how difficult it was, but she was still doing it. It was inspiring to see a 14 year old girl who probably could have sat at home relaxing for the weekend, choose to go out in a full dress with bonnet and pull a cart through a rough desert in record heat. The other great thing about Kalee is that she knew she was strong. Kalee has been raised on a ranch and is therefore accustomed to work, and it showed. Like Josh and Elijah, she was not content to watch others work. In fact she got the most upset by the slacker boys behavior. I thought if I were one of those boys who were complaining about working while watching girls do the work I would be embarrassed. They weren't.  They were content to watch others strain while they walked along next to the cart recovering from their efforts. If looks could kill, both of those boys would still be out in the desert. She had no time for mediocre efforts.

The most amazing single event of the trek was the largest ravine. The Smith family took us to a ravine that was literally impossible to push a cart up. Then Brother Smith instructed us to make two lines up the ravine with the strongest men at the bottom of the line. I have never been one of the strongest men in a group before, but this time I was an adult in a large group of teenagers, so I found myself at the bottom.

The basic premise is that a group of boys gets on a cart at the bottom of the ravine and pushes up the first 15-20 feet as fast as they can to the end of the monkey chain of men and boys awating them part way up the hill. When the cart gets to the bottom man, yells are issued forth and everyone on the chain starts running up the hill with the cart in tow.  I was sure that I was not going to be able to do this but found myself being pulled up the mountain while pulling the man below me up with me. I didn't actually have to pull the cart up the mountain, I just had to hang on and keep my feet under me.

It was a sight to behold, all these people running up in a chain of arms going up this mountain. It was inspiring to see something impossible actually happening. I liken it to what God asks us to do. He doesn't require us to move mountains. He will move the mountains for us we just have to stay on our feet and push.

God asks us to do hard things, but he doesn't require that we be able to do them. We do what we can and ask for his assistance, and then through his power the hard things get accomplished. I was 100 % sure that I was not one of the strong ones on that Trek and yet there I was. It was exhausting but it got done.

I learned so much from the example of the kids there. All the girls were great, but some were stronger simply because they wanted to be. Same with the boys. Two were strong hard workers and two were not. My wife and I went home and started to plan how we were going to get our kids to work. We have goats that have to be milked now, and we have 14 hens a laying, and we have requirements with housework that our kids know they have to do, and it's working.

Last night, our second eldest son just went out and milked the Goat because that's what had to be done, and it was his responsibility. It was beautiful.

I was so inspired by the Kalee and Josh, both of whom were there totally voluntarily and both of whom worked harder than expected, simply because they saw what had to be done and the helped do it. They didn't complain about anything except to make subtle comments about the lazy boys. Nobody's perfect.

I want my kids to be strong like that. I want them to see where help is needed and instinctively go and help. I want my kids to realize that much of the doing is in the being willing and the trying. God will do the rest. We don't have to be perfect, we have to be willing.

I am also inspired by my wife who despite her trepidation went on this adventure and learned as much as I did, and is doing much more for our kids because of it. She is amazing, she is also expecting our 6th kid. It's exciting.

Pre-Trek (Hobby-Battle)

June of last year I had the opportunity to be a part of a pioneer hand cart trek re-enactment. My wife and I were asked to be a "Ma" and "Pa" for a group of teenagers for a 3 day and 2 night trek in the desert east of Tucson Arizona. We said yes, and although Ma was a bit apprehensive, I was excited.

There is a bit of history that precedes the trek. Ma and I met while in college. We were part of a ballroom dance performing group. Ma was serious about ballroom dance, and consequently she was very good. I was there mostly for the girls. I tell boys every time the opportunity arises that girls dig boys who can dance, I also tell them that girls who are dancers are good looking, both true.

So we started dancing together in class and we competed a little too.  Dance was our activity, hobby, interest, etc. We did it together, and enjoyed it, then we got married and didn't dance so much anymore. God had different plans for us, namely to have kids instead of pursuing all that we could have pursued in ballroom dance. We have 5 kids now and have had 5 kids for the past 5 years.Ma still teaches dance, but I have had to back way off of it, largely because my temperament doesn't do well with my own children in dance classes. They are so difficult. I wonder where they get it?

Anyway, somewhere along the line I picked up cycling as a hobby, and rode hundreds of miles with my 5 kids a few years ago. I also picked up running as a hobby and have run hundreds of miles albeit by myself, with out kids. Both of these hobbies were also without my wife.

There was a time a couple of years ago that I really wanted Ma to participate with me in some small way while doing these hobbies, but she pretty much hates being uncomfortable, which rules out cycling and running. I was a bit bummed out because I know there are women out there who do things like cycling and running and enjoy it. It turned into this struggle where I felt like I was doing a lot for her hobby and she didn't want to do anything with me. It was a hobby-battle and the casualty was ballroom dance. I started to loathe it.

To quote George Michael "I'm never gonna dance again, guilty feet have got no rhythm." That is pretty much what's been going on the past couple of years. I wished she would participate in my hobbies, and she wished I would teach dance with her. Truthfully I do still teach with her, but I am far less helpful and invested compared to how I was before the hobby-battle.

So like I said, Ma really doesn't like to be uncomfortable or dirty, so when they asked us on this trek I was excited. It was funny because in the training meetings they promised physical hardship, and I couldn't wait. I was so excited that my wife would have to participate I was giddy!

I understand why Ma doesn't like to be uncomfortable. It's because she is normal, and that really is fine. But for some reason, I like to be uncomfortable. I signed up for 3 marathons in the first 4 months of next year. Running hurts, but I like it. When we got a dog last year for my second eldest son I thought, "Sweet, a running buddy!" We got a large dog that can go miles and miles without getting tired. Time has healed the hobby-battle wounds and I am at peace with Ma hating running. I can still do it with the dog, and besides,  she did the Trek, which is what I was supposed to be writing about.

My friend "Charles"

I have a friend, who we'll call "Charles". He has a story to tell, but no blog, so I'm going to tell it. I don't think "Charles" will mind at all, but just in case I need to put in a disclaimer.

Disclaimer:

The opinions, events, and stories posted in epicorstupid are the express opinions and perspective of the epicorstupid owner and do not reflect the opinions or thoughts, or actual events or stories of persons who may or may not be named in said blog. Names and places have been changed to muddy the waters of actual happenings. Or maybe they haven't. Either way it's not "Charles's" fault.

Ok, on we go.

So I have a friend, "Charles." I met him at work. He does the same sort of work that I do. We'll call it helping people, who help other people, who use tools. "Charles" and I are tool engineers. Well anyway, "Charles" happens to have come to the company where I work after many years in academia. He loved it, and left it because of circumstances beyond his control. I think he made the right decision, but I won't get into that because it's not what I want to blog about. Anyway I met "Charles" at work and last May after 5 or so years with the company "Charles" and I got to spend some quality time together testing tools in another city, we'll call "Atlanta". We went running a few times per week and once we went to a superhero movie. Mostly we just tested tools and looked at data and plots of data. It was magical. Sometimes I can't believe they pay me to look at the numbers every day.

"Charles" and I spent 5 weeks in Atlanta and I feel like I got to know him pretty well. We talked a lot about his old life teaching at the Tool Technology U, and to me it sounded like a pretty good gig. He loved being there, and he was very good at what he did. It was unfortunate that he was stuck in Tucson helping people to help people to use tools. He is good at Tool engineering, but like many other people in Tucson, especially single people, I think his heart was elsewhere. In fact for many people who are in Tucson, their heart is pretty much anywhere else.

Anyway after many years of internal debate, "Charles" was ready to do something EPIC! He had to sort of wait till the last minute to tell us other tool engineers, but "Charles" decided to do what all of us non-PhD's have considered at one time or another. After 10 years in the work force, he decided to go back to school.

Just let that sink in for a minute.

I don't know what it is like in other non-tool engineer professions, but in ours there is always the nagging thought in the back of our heads of, "What if I'd stayed in school?" I think I speak for everyone here (see disclaimer) when I say that College was the most fun I've ever had. I have never had a happier or more stress free time in my life, and I majored in tool engineering. My wife says I'm crazy and that I was a basket case of stress even in the summer time, but I have no recollection of that at all. I can only remember the times in the math lab when I put the latex glove over my head and inflated it with my nose, or the stories the Kyle who lived in the engine lab used to tell about trying not to get caught by the janitors. I remember the ballroom dance classes and the women always asking me to take tests with them. It was awesome!

Anyway "Charles" decided to actually do what many if not all of us have thought of doing. He packed up his house full of furniture and moved it to his dad's house in "New Mexico", he put his house up for sale or rent, he packed his car, and he started driving across the country. His ultimate goal was to get back to the Tool Tech U. He had to have a doctorate to do this, so that's what he did.

So you have to understand "Charles" situation. He was making tool engineer money. That's not doctor money, but it's good money. He went from a nice house with lots of disposable income to a dingy apartment with a random roommate, and no disposable income. He thought it was worth it, until he started classes.

Now I'm not saying that "Charles" couldn't handle the classes, but they were tough. Then there was his advisor. It turned out that she was the bane of a couple of PhD students existence, and "Charles" had no idea till he got there. He saw is future in those poor student's eyes. That look of "I'm going to die here and still not have my doctorate because of that advisor." He was doing pde's again, and that's enough to make any non-mathematician start to consider crying alone in the bathroom. But the worst of it was that they were not going to count "Charles's" previous credits from his Master's Degree at "Berkley".

"Charles" started having second thoughts, to say the least. I called him on the phone a week after he left and he said "I think I made a big mistake." The next think I knew he was calling our tool engineering department manager and asking for his job back. Well our manager promptly told "Charles" to come on back, which he did, with his tail between his legs. Not that he needed to have the tail between his legs, that is just how he felt.

This time though "Charles" was going to embrace life in Tucson, which he did. He started dating someone, and he brought his furniture and dogs back from "New Mexico", and I think he was determined to make a good go of life in the very southwest. It was good for me and the other non-Phd tool engineers, because without doing it ourselves we got to see that life was not always greener back at the universities that we left. "Charles" took one for the team, and I believe that dozens of us are thankful for it. "Charles" was having a good life... until his girlfriend dumped him and now he's going to Australia for a year to teach at a tool university there for a year... or longer.

I think that what "Charles" did took courage, daring and a total disregard for my feelings. But the best thing about what he did was of course show me that I don't need to do that same thing. Going back to school for a Phd, for me would be stupid. But selling his house and going across the country to school for a couple of weeks and then coming back, for "Charles" was EPIC!

In my book he is officially a legend. I will miss him when he is in Australia for a year. I don't think it will be a year. I give him either 2 weeks, or I'll never see him again. At least he knows how to pack his furniture and dogs to take to "New Mexico" already. He's been down that road before.

Thanks "Charles", sorry you got dumped.

Mr. Jimmy goes to Washington

I had the opportunity to spend a couple of days in Washington D.C. This is a trip report.
The first picture above is a picture of the national treasury. I was wondering why Alexander Hamilton has no memorial, then I saw this building. He was instrumental in holding the states together in the beginning. Actually I think maybe the way to say that is that he was instrumental in making a powerful federal government in the beginning, which I would concede eventually held the union together. But he was the first person politician to do loan consolidation on a national government scale. This is his memorial.


If you look closely you can see a statue of Hamilton right in front of the building. Trust me it's him.












That was The White House. Really it was you can see it can't you?
bob





George Washington wanted many of the streets to be canals. This is a waterway caretakers house. It's about all that's left. Of the Canals. Apparently not much stuff ever traveled by canal into D.C.








A lot of americans paid dearly in Vietnam.










This is another statue for Vietnam. Honestly I never get tired of seeing Soldiers or statues honoring them. They are why we live in a country as free as it is.









Abraham Lincoln kept our Country together. He was a great president. It's too bad slavery couldn't have ended without such a high price. It seems that is the way of things. The worst things are always the most difficult to correct.



I saw a picture from space once on a poster. It was compiled from photos taken at night. It is interesting to see the bright spots at major cities in modern countries. But more interesting is where it is still Dark. This is the Korean War memorial.

When I read JFK's stuff I think he would be a conservative

Tomb of the unknown soldier. Probably my favorite thing I saw.

This is a video of arlington. I'm not sure if it is going to work, but it is humbling to see how many have fought for our freedom.

This should be Cherry Blossoms.
FDR's Memorial. Do we really need this? The guy was practically a king. He was elected 4 times. I feel like his intentions were good, but all wrong. Government is not the solution, it's the problem, and he made it a lot bigger. The founding fathers and people were afraid that George Washington was going to make himself a king, and he could have. He was that popular, but he retired after 2 terms. I just think that anyone who stays in government for life is not someone we want in government.

George Mason is honored here for not signing The Constitution because it allowed slavery. Good job George!

Thomas Jefferson. Trust me it's him. He was a small government guy in the beginning. I guess what he was was anti-federalist. Very popular guy. Very pro democracy.

The Washington Monument.

I am amazed at what the founding fathers did. We have the greatest country in the world. I was talking with someone who works for the UN in the new republic of congo. The corruption there makes for some difficult living situations. I am grateful for the morals that were such an important part of our founding. I hope that our country can get back to them. Otherwise I fear that we will have something more like countries that I am glad to visit, but glad to return from. Here.

America is truly exceptional.

A Pile of Money

I have been extremely blessed in my marriage. I am really surprised when I think about how fortunate I am when it comes to marital harmony. I have heard that people have an adjustment period when they get married at first. There is I guess often some difficulty with living with a person all the time, and there are difficulties to resolve about things. Honestly I am grasping at words because I don't know what those initial marriage things are.

My wife and I dated for about eight months before I asked her to marry me, and we got married 4 months after that. During this entire time I think we had one disagreement, but I don't remember what it was about. We were both undergraduates at BYU at the time, I was 23, she was 19, strike that she was 20. We got married, and went on a very cheap honeymoon and proceed to live a blissful life with only the stress of college to deal with. It was great!

We literally only had 1 disagreement in the first year of marriage and that was about starting a family. We had discussed waiting a year before we thought seriously about it, but God had other plans. He told my wife that we should not wait. I could not swallow this and things got a little rough until I was able to determine why they were rough, and it was my fault for not trusting God. From then on we had about 10 years of bliss. I'm telling you it was bliss! At least for me. Melissa and I agreed on almost everything excepting a few tiffs every now and then about whether the kids should be allowed to eat cheese.

Well the kids got older and we had progressively more disagreements about various forms of cheese that the kids were eating or not eating, or maybe it wasn't about eating cheese at all, maybe it was about whether they were allowed to make cheese before making their bed, or maybe it was that they were treating us like cheese, or maybe they weren't doing their chores and they were melting cheese for crackers instead. The point is there have been a lot of cheese disagreements between us about the kids in the last 5 or so years. Although we have had some serious difficulties because of our thoughts on the relationship between kids and cheese, on the whole I blame the children for that, and myself really. But that's beside the point, a diversion not necessary for this post, but it came out.

The point is that because Melissa and I agree on most everything I had the opportunity withdraw $11,500 dollars cash from the bank in February. Here's the photo of 11 piles of money.

Ten piles of 10 and 1 pile of 5 $100 bills.

You may ask yourself, "Why would Jimmy need so much cash?" The answer is that I was going to Las Vegas. You see my wife and I both woke up one morning and thought, "We should get some cash and book a flight to Las Vegas today for Jimmy." So that's what we did. It turns out that at some banks you can only withdraw $5000 at a time. Who knew? I had to go to two banks to get that much money. After getting the money Melissa and I struggled with how it should be carried through the airport and what I would say if I were asked by security about it. But then I figured lots of people going to Vegas probably take that much cash with them right?

We decided to make a money belt out of an old tote bag. She got the sewing machine out and sewed the bills into a rectangular pouch, which I then tied around my waist under my shirt and tucked into the front of my pants. Then I went to Vegas.

I know what you are thinking. Jimmy you didn't really do all of this, but it's true I did. I went to Vegas with $11,500 cash under my shirt tucked into my pants on a same day flight. That all really happened. And I came back with no cash.

So now you're thinking it would be better if you and your wife disagreed more often about things besides cheese and children and you might be right. But I will give you the whole story and it will be a lot less exciting.

Our first car we bought together we paid $6,100 cash for. I still drive it it has 219,000 miles on it. Our second car is a mini-van that we got a loan for and paid about $15,000 for. It took about a year to pay it off, but neither of us liked getting that loan. Well that car is a Plymouth Grand Voyager and it has 222,000 miles on it.

That second car is breaking down slowly. It still drives great, but it needs more work and the windows don't roll down anymore. It's been a great car, don't get me wrong, but we have to drive across the country in May of this year, and neither of us wants to be stranded in West Tennessee with a broken car and be forced to buy a new one that day.

So we had been looking for a newer car and found a 2006 Toyota Sienna with 78,000 miles on it. The van was in Vegas and they wanted $11,500 for it. Well we called them and moved the money over from our savings account and it ended up being Saturday when it got there. We called the seller and asked if he wanted cash or a cashier's check, and he said cash. I think that was the right decision since I was not going to get there in time to make it to a bank to verify the funds. Cash was really the only way. So I flew to Vegas and came back with a "new to us" van.

It's nice. We have 3 vehicles now and the new van stays in the garage. We think it was the right decision, but if the '99 Plymouth goes to 300,000 miles with out any major problems, then I'd say we should have saved the money. We'll see. In a few years our oldest son will be 16, and he will hopefully be driving an old car with a lot of miles on it. Actually in 3 years I hope I will be driving an old car with a lot of miles on it. It's much cheaper that way, which is why I am so lucky.

My wife loves saving money as much as I do. We didn't ever even talk about this stuff before we got married, but it is one of the many areas where we have no disagreements. Now if we could just agree on the cheese.

Riding in the Rain with a purpose

I think the videos sort of speak for themselves this time. So enjoy

I put that solidly in the "It seemed like a good idea at the time" category.

But then later...

By the time I got close to home I was on a part of the ride that has no cars on it. It is up hill, which is kind of a bummer after 13 miles, but it is a nice road now. The filming is a little bit wobbly, I think it is because I am not using my hands on the bike. I'm not really sure, but it looks like I'm sitting up. I'll be sure to keep a hand on the bike next time I film while riding.

Originally I was planning on riding all the way to my wife's car, but I was soaking wet, so I took my vehicle, which was literally at the junk yard's door. It worked fine that day, but I spent a grand fixing it a few weeks later.

So in the end I did get my wife's car fixed. The belt had slipped off in the rain again, and I replaced the tensioner for good measure. Not a big deal, but I haven't ridden my bike since that day. That's kind of pathetic.

Polka

It has been a while...

So as probably all who read this know already my wife and I met on the BYU ballroom dance team. It was really a good decision for me to take up ballroom dance as it landed me a great wife. It all started out as me doing something for the sole reason that "The Chicks Dig It." I used title case there because, well I just feel like it's the right thing to do.

So I was pretty good at ballroom dance and girls in the classes liked to take tests with me because I was a good leader on the dance floor. By the way that is not a good metaphor for life in my case as I am a terrible leader of anything else. But anyway in my case, and I think in the case of any guy who is willing to dance it is true that the girls do like it. In any case that is why I did it, and it is why I still do.

It has been more than a decade since I have performed in a situation where I felt ready for it. I don't mind performing if I feel ready, but my wife loves performing period. So this has been a bit of a difficulty as when people have asked us to perform and then she says yes I end up annoyed because our life is difficult to find time to practice in. So the last little while the answer has just been no.

Well at least that's what I thought it was. Luckily for Melissa someone asked her not to perform on a stage, but to just come to a band performance and dance around so that others would be encouraged to dance. The agreement was that we would not be on stage or in costume, we would just have to act like we were having fun. So she said yes.

Well as it turned out, I ended up on the stage again. It wasn't bad this time as we were never up there alone. The band was always up there, but I got to thinking, "Is this whole dancing on the stage thing as a late 30's man who only started dancing for the chicks epic or stupid?"

I mean on the one hand it's obviously stupid because as you will see in the purposely low-def video I am doing polka on a stage in a costume. No question right? That is stupid and something no guy would ever choose to do. But on the other hand maybe it is Epic because no other guy would ever choose to do it!

I am hoping that in the long term I can figure out a way to parlay these experiences in to some serious marriage benefits. I am guessing that it isn't going to work. The problem is that I don't like doing it and she knows it.

Oh well. Attitude is everything.

Something Stupid, definitely not epic

I drive a 1994 Nissan Altima. It has 216k miles on it. It has been a great car, but I have also learned how to fix a lot of things due to it's age. The thing is that I like solving mechanical problems more than I like driving new cars. Full disclosure also requires me to state that I hate debt more than fixing old cars as well. So far this car has been fantastic. We bought it for 6.1k in 1998 and have spent no more than a couple hundred dollars per year fixing it since then. I love it I really do.

So anyway lately it has been stuttering and hesitating in when it is cold in the morning or in the evening. My wife's car had a similar problem a few years ago and it was her spark plugs, so that was the first thing I replaced. It had been about six years since I last did it and spark plugs are cheap and easy to install on this car.

Well that didn't fix the car so next I replaced the fuel filter. This job is a bit messy, well actually it's very clean due to the fact that gasoline is a very good solvent. Getting the filter out of this car only requires the removal of a couple of screws and the loosening of the hose clamps. Then it's man against beast to get those darn hoses off. Cars never have a lot of working room these days so all I could do was hold on to the fuel hoses with my dainty little finger tips and twist the filter with my woman hands.

I am not trying to be offensive to women. There are many women with much stronger hands than I have. Probably a good half of them in fact. The sad truth is that I was born with slender feminine lady like hands fingers and wrists. It's kind of embarrassing to be able to put a man's ring on my thumb and have it fall off, but that's what usually happens when I try on other men's rings just for the fun of it. My hands are no good for separating stuck fuel hoses from their filter. They are quite good for more precise jobs like nose picking though.

Anyway after about 20 minutes of struggling I finally got the filter out. It was dripping gas so I set it on top of a bucket. I installed the new filter and turned on the car. There was gas dripping everywhere, so I turned off the car, depressurized the fuel system and re-set the hose position on the filter. Now everything was set.

I drove the car to a meeting. It worked fine although the problem is not fixed yet. I came home and got my car fixing manual and sat down in the garage to read about what else it could possibly be. Unfortunately I sat down on the bucket that had the old filter on it. I jumped up, but it was too late. My pants immediately soaked through to my bottom with gasoline. The old filter had left a pool of gas on the bucket.

I figured this was not a big deal since I had had my hands covered in gasoline not two hours ago when I was changing the darn thing. So I put a couple of rags on the bucket to soak up the gas and sat back down to read. Only a couple of minutes later I realized again that I had made a poor decision. What I didn't know is that bottom skin is considerably more sensitive than hand skin.

At first I would describe the sensation as a bit uncomfortable. I tried to walk it off, you know stand up and sort of fan my loose pants, try to get it to dry out and evaporate. It seemed like it might work.

It didn't. I realized rather suddenly that my butt felt like it was on fire. I wasn't sure if I should jump in the pool or try to sit on ice cubes. I went in the house where only the two oldest kids were awake and started walking around very quickly looking for a solution. My first thought was diaper rash ointment. I looked in the diaper area, but struck out. Our baby is 3 and only needs a diaper for nighttime, he hasn't had a rash in ages.

Next I went to my running paraphernalia shelf. I found Vaseline and body glide. I knew that one of those might work but I knew this was no ordinary chafing that I'd gotten myself into, so I kept looking.

By now the boys are asking me clarifying questions like, "Your butt is on fire from gasoline?"

"Yes." I replied.

"How did it catch fire?" They asked.

"It's not really on FIRE." I said. "It just feels like it is burning up cause I got gasoline on my Bottom."

"Was the gas from the car?"

"Yes."

"How did it get on you? Is the car leaking gasoline?"

"No. I sat in a puddle of gasoline. Do you know where the Desitin is?"

"No. What would happen if you lit a match by your bottom?"

"Nothing. There's not that much gas, most of it's gone."

"Why is it burning then?"

"It is a stinging burn, like a rash or something."

"Well why did you sit in it?"

"I didn't do it on purpose. I sat in it accidentally, and I didn't think it would hurt because it doesn't hurt to get it on your hands, really."

"Why does it hurt your bottom more than your hands?"

"Because bottoms are more sensitive than hands. That's why we spank bottoms. Instead of hands."

"You spank bottoms because it hurts more?"

"No." Backpeadling. "We spank bottoms with our hands because a bottom is a big soft target and although it hurts, it doesn't do any permanent damage, and it needs to hurt or else it wouldn't work as a deterrant. Right?"

Ignoring my brief treatise on spankings and jumping back to the subject at hand. "Well if you did sit in gas and then lit a match would it catch your bottom on fire?"

"Yes, but I'm not going to do that."

"What if someone poured gas on their pants in the back and then got a match and lit it and put it by the back of their pants?"

"Well they catch fire, and burn themselves. Does mom keep the Desitin with the other skin medicines?"

"I don't know. But what if someone did do that, would they have to go to the hospital?"

"Yes, they would end up with severe burns and probably lose much of the skin on their back side. It would be very painful and sad and bad. But I don't have that problem. Oh here it is. My butt is on fire." Applying the Desitin, "Ahh, I hope this helps. Boys, never ever sit in a puddle of gasoline. Aahh. Move over I need to wash my hands."

The moral of the story is that gasoline is a solvent and should be washed off sensitive parts of the skin as soon as possible. I really only got relief after I showered, which was about 20 minutes after the Desitin.

Definitely Stupid.

Christmas Parade

It's been a while, but I never promised that this would be a regular thing...

My family and I recently took a little trip. We are fans of a little town here is Arizona called Prescott. It is located about an hour and half North and West of Phoenix. More north than west I think. Prescott is also at an elevation of about 5000+ ft, so it's weather is quite different than the weather we get here at the lower elevations of the Southwestern United States. That's a lot of capital letters, and I don't know if I got them all right, but I'm going to keep going.

Anyway, we are fans. Prescott has several annual parades. We have gone to the Fourth of July Parade for three years running, and we love it. It is great to get out of the heat of Tucson and go up into the mountains with the pine trees, and the cool days and cooler nights. My father has a little and fairly rustic cabin there. It isn't one of these super fancy deals, but it's got running water and electricity, and satellite TV, which I don't like very much, but that's a subject for some other blog. The point is that it's nice.

We go to the parade, it's very patriotic, and pro America, and we really love it. Then we go hiking and crawdad fishing, and we play in the forest and at the park. At the end we watch the fireworks then we go back to Tucson when we feel like it. We like it so much that this year we decided to try the Christmas day parade.

We did some research and found out from my sister that it's awesome. It's a fun little parade then they light the town square with Christmas lights, then they have a little museum of living history that does some traditional Christmas stuff. We even found out that there is a big Ginger bread house display/contest at a conference center there that we could go look at. We were really excited about this, and looked forward to it for a long time.

My wife as usual did the lions share of the packing and preparation. My only part really was loading the car, and making sure it worked, and doing whatever else she asked me to specifically do, but really she is the magic behind pretty much all of our vacations. We couldn't leave the night before the parade, but figured that was OK since it didn't start till 1:00 p.m. So we got up around 6:00 and started driving the 3.5 hours to get there well in time to see the sights. All in all it was uneventful until we got about 2o miles from our destination, then it started to become what I'll call a bit epic.

In most parts of Arizona it does not snow. Because of this most cars in Arizona are not prepared to drive in snowy conditions. Also because of the lack of consistent snow in the higher up parts of Arizona most cities where it does occasionally snow have limited snow clearing abilities. I say this because at about 20 miles away from Prescott, it started snowing.

This was not that big yet because the snow was not really sticking. But we were traveling up hill. By the time we go to presort the snow was sticking, but it wasn't too thick yet, so we were able to successfully park the car and start bundling up the kids.

One of my kids, not pictured immediately started walking around in his regular shoes in the snow after we parked. Thirty Minutes later he was complaining about his feet being wet, and we did not have a back up pair. He spent most of the parade inside a store called Edelweiss.

The rest of us placed our folding chairs close together and our umbrellas over our heads facing the wind and settled in for the long haul.

It was cold and it was getting colder. It started snowing a lot. At first it was the kind of snow that makes little tiny balls and sort of rolls all over the ground and off clothes, but it also falls pretty fast. This was fine except when the umbrella shakes at the wrong time and your clothes get covered in snow. Later this snow turned into the light flaky kind that drifts slowly to the ground.

The parade was fabulous. There were 87 entries. I kept trying to get kids to throw snowballs at me from the floats, but this only worked once. I was amazed at marching bands. I have to believe that that band from Tucson had a couple of casualties. Usually it's the flutes or the clarinets. For some reason they are always the first to tap out. It's never the Tubas. There must be something exhausting about holding a small instrument in your hands.

I was also glad to see that the historical recreation societies were dressed warmly. There was one float in the summer and in this parade that I call the slutty old ladies float. Thankfully they were not like the Polar bear swimmers.

After about 60 parade entries I couldn't feel my toes. This reminded me of the Grand Canyon as many things do these days. I had major blisters on that day, and the sensation of being aware of my toes was a nice reminder. I decided to get up and start running up and down the street. Luckily there were only about 20 spectators so no body got too upset about my high stepping.

Lila also ran with me which was cute until I stopped and turned around only to run right into her and almost fall down myself. I am sure I will miss those moments.

Eventually the parade ended, and the snow picked up. Prescott is hilly and on the walk back to our car we saw many vehicles having serious trouble getting anywhere. I am not sure if it is the tires or the drivers or the lack of plows. My guess is that it's a combination of all of it, but the roads were dangerous that day my friend.

We tried to go on a road that would lead to my dad's cabin, which was farther up the mountain, but we couldn't get up the small hill. I had to do a Rockford Files type sliding turn to go from reverse to forward just to get back to somewhere flat. We aborted the cabin mission and decided to head toward home.

We were able to stop at the convention center. We kept hoping that it would clear up, but it never did. The convention center had a dedicated plow driving up and down their long driveway so there was no trouble getting there. But getting anywhere else was dicey. Our van kept sliding whenever there was any acceleration in any direction. Turning, Going, Stopping, it was all CRAZY. The traffic in Prescott is crazy as well. We were going down the mountain, but the cars coming up were having an even tougher time. Many many cars were off the road, and there were many times that I was at the mercy of physics. My Car was going to keep going till it stopped and there was nothing I could do about it. I was along for the ride. Luckily we didn't hit anything.

Why is it that I turn the radio down when driving gets stressful?

The Ginger Bread houses were cool, but the old guys with the trains in a circle on a table were cooler. Jack's head is about table height right now and he was drawn to the trains like a moth to the flame. He did not want to leave and cried when we finally tore him away.

The hour and a half back to Phoenix took 3 hours. We went to see the lights at the Mesa Arizona Mormon temple. It was fun and beautiful. Then we went to my dad's house in Chandler. all in all we spent about 7 hours in the car that day. We got to play in the snow and then remember what it is like to drive in the snow, and be glad we live where we live. I'm telling you the summers in Tucson aren't that bad.

It was a fun day, and this is a wordy post. I'm still trying to figure out how to be less verbose. Here's a video or 2

Trenching with a shovel

The deal has always been that after the Grand Canyon I am not allowed to do anything epic until the yard has been landscaped. I agreed to this because I value my marital happiness. It was interesting that after the Grand Canyon run, actually leading up to the run I didn't feel like doing anything. I was burned out, period. All I wanted to do was sleep. But then that is also how I felt when I was hiking out of that cursed hole.

Since then I have decided to start landscaping the yard. My yard is a little on the intimidating side. We have a small house on 4 acres and there are dying plants everywhere. The previous owners planted about 80 oleander in a 300 foot long row around our yard, and they had mature eucalyptus trees, and a couple of pine trees on the south side of the house.

Since we moved in Two Pine trees have died and 1 of the huge eucalyptus succumbed to extreme dehydration.

The fact is that if you have small children and you don't have an automatic watering system in for plants and you live in the south west, your plants will die. So that's what is happening here. It's sad really, but the truth is that I have enjoyed running two marathons and running through the grand canyon, and riding hundreds of miles on my bike with my kids more than I like having mature trees. And to be fair, my wife and kids also could have watered them, but they were doing something else instead.

Anyway I decided to start landscaping. Really what I should have started with was buying a tractor, but I didn't. I don't have the money for that so I got a shovel and went to work. I wanted to start doing the watering system, but I haven't figured out what exactly I need to buy yet, so I bought pipe to put in a trench to move the water overflow for rain gutters and the washing machine from the middle of our yard to outside the yard.

This requires a trench about 100 feet long and I figure about 9 or 10 inches wide. Not a small trench for a back yard, and I dug it by hand. I know many people who think that is stupid. I think it is epic. The truth is that I like digging trenches. It feels like I am doing something painful and creative at the same time. For all the problems in my head that I deal with on a daily basis, I really find clarity when I am physically exhausted. My lower back is starting t adjust because I have been abusing it on a regular basis. The only problem is going to be what to do when the trenching is done. Actually I'm not too worried because there are hundreds more feet to trench still.

I think it will be nice when it is done, but that will be a while. Perhaps at least I'll be able to get enough done that I can go to the Grand Canyon again sometime soon.

Here's a video of the trench.

r2r2r4m

So some of my friends and I decided to go to the Grand Canyon and hike across it and back. Before we went I was sitting at work wondering how much elevation gain there was and so I typed "rim2rim2rim elevation" in google and blog came up that had the information I was looking for. After the fact I went to the blog and posted a comment

"I just hiked that a couple of weeks ago. It took 21 hours walking. If you run It will be faster. Good luck."

The blog owner is a girl named Jen in Virgina Beach. Actually I am not sure where that is, but I know it's flat. Anyway she responded to my post and since then I have been thinking about starting a blog. As with most things I start this one will probably not last, but we'll see. Here is the email exchange with Jen, which I think pretty much sums up my experience.

From Jen:

Hi Jimmy,

Thanks for the heads up! I think we're going to try and take in the
scenery too.... run but stop and smell the roses kind of thing ;) How
was the trip?! Do you do stuff like that often?

Jen

My Reply...

Jen,

The trip was Epic. I don't do stuff like this often. That is the
farthest I've ever gone in one day. My brother and I ran the Sedona
marathon earlier this year in 4:30, so we aren't fast, but while we
were training with a couple of other friends, we would often discuss
Born to Run. During one of the discussions one of our friends Matt
said we should do the r2r2r. He had hiked r2r before and in the period
of confusion that often comes with reading that book he thought it was
a good idea to go r2r2r. Admittedly I agreed with him. I said "It
would be Epic!" We all made the agreement that if Matt wanted to do it
we would be with him. We would do it "For Matt!"

That was our motto.

We trained by continuing to run a few times during the week, and on
the weekends we alternated between doing Wasson Peak trail (5 miles up
about 2kft elevation change) and Wrightson peak (5 miles up and about
4.5kft elevation change). We even did wrightson peak 2 times in a row
on a couple of different occasions. We would hile up and run down. We
thought we were ready.

One of my friends training with us, Todd, ran the Sedona marathon in
3:25 ( I give that information because it becomes some what important
later). Anyway Todd and I work with a lady named Julie Arter, and we
asked her about r2r2r. She has run int 22 times, once she did it in 10
hours, or less I think. Anyway Julie had us thinking it would take
around 15-18 hours. We were excited and nervous, but talking to Julie
was very comforting. She made it sound like it would be great.

The run itself was... well it was more of a walk. We left at 3:00 in
the morning, and did the bright angel trail. We were going to run
down, but ended up walking till it got light. Another of the group
which had grown to 8 by now kept falling down when we ran, so we
slowed it down for him. We jogged the flat parts when it was light
then started the trek up. It was a lot harder than I thought it would
be.

We did take a lot of pictures. We also stopped and talked to a lot of
people. My brother was telling people Matt was a cancer survivor so
that's why we were doing it. People ate it up, and it is technically
true, although not in the sense that people think of when you say you
are doing something for a cancer survivor. Anyway our group slowed
down considerably on the way up to the north rim. Once we got there we
ate a huge lunch and rested for and hour and a half.

We felt great after that. Except for the guy who was falling down that
morning. His IT band was hurting like crazy. He could have bailed out,
but he wanted to finish, so my brother and I walked 23.5 back with him
up bright angel, and Todd and Matt ran on ahead.

The Canyon is beautiful. I mean really amazing. The trail is well
marked, and there is lots of water. It was really fun until the last 4
or 5 miles. Actually for me it wasn't that fun walking with the hurt
guy when I wanted to run, but by the last 4 or 5 miles, I was glad he
was hurt, because I didn't feel like running. The hike out was never
ending. I wanted to lay down and go to sleep, but the others didn't so
we kept walking.

I didn't get to see the south rim in the daylight, which is a little
dissappointing. The south rim to me is a small patch of light on the
ground a few feet ahead of my feet. The last 1.5 miles I hated the
Grand Canyon. It was the main thing I didn't like about Arizona. I
wanted to fill it in like a land fill. I sat down and went on a
tirade. I swore that this was the stupidest thing I'd ever done in my
entire life. I also swore that I would never do it again, and I
promised to believe my wife when she said that something was a bad
idea, all along she said I was crazy. I think she was being nice not
to use the word stupid because that's the conclusion I came to.

In fact everyone except for Todd, said that it was a dumb idea at the
end of the hike. Even Matt was apologizing to all of us for organizing
the trip. Everyone but Todd did not want to be there at the end.

Fast forward to a couple of weeks later. My feet are still healing
from the epic blisters I have, But I want to do it again. Todd and I
often discuss how we would do it differently.

I would run more in training. I would also bring better socks. I would
try to do it so that I could see the south rim during daylight.
Otherwise, it was awesome. It was also terrible. On one hand I think
we should fill it in, on the other hand I am probably going to do it
again.

Todd wants to do it in april. I have some home improvement projects to
do first, so probably not, but maybe you'll see him that weekend. We
saw one other group doing r2r2r, 3 girls and an older gentleman. It
was kind of cool to see other insane people on the smae day. Actually
there was more than just them doing r2r2r.

You are going to have a memorable experience. Sorry for being verbose.
I do that with email sometimes.
Maybe I should have posted this on your blog.

Good Luck again,

-Jimmy

Full disclosure also requires that I upload a video of me sitting down in the parking lot on the south rim waiting to be picked up after finishing the hike.